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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26736085">still breathing?</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Randomfandoming/pseuds/Randomfandoming'>Randomfandoming</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>The 100 (TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Bisexual Character, Canon Rewrite, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, F/F, F/M, Fix-It, Friends to Lovers, M/M, Multi, Nonbinary Character, Polyamory, the good bits i'll keep, we gonna ignore the bad bits of canon my loves</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-09-30</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-09-30</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 10:14:54</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>3,644</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26736085</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Randomfandoming/pseuds/Randomfandoming</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Spencer was tired - tired of fighting and running for their life, tired of surviving instead of living. They were just tired; but as long as they were kept breathing they supposed one day things had to get better eventually, right?</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Bellamy Blake/Clarke Griffin, Bellamy Blake/Clarke Griffin/Original Character(s), Bellamy Blake/Original Character(s), Clarke Griffin/Original Character(s)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>3</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>still breathing?</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>hiiii so this probably needs more editing, but this has been sitting in my docs untouched since last summer, and probably would still be rotting there if not for the loml!</p><p>to thank my enabler for this chapter, i would like to recommend you read her own the 100 story 'Desperate Measures' by papergirlpapertownn, it's a very unique idea with an amazing oc!</p><p>also come yell at me on tumblr! my url is randomfandoming1</p><p>Hope you enjoy! Let's ignore canon together!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Spencer learned very early on in life that their parents weren't in love with each other.</p><p>Marcus and Natia Kane didn't hate each other, but it was obvious to their seven year old self that their parents hadn't married each other for love but for things like practicality and duty. At a certain age it stopped mattering to Spencer, because even though they had no love for each other they had plenty of love for her.</p><p>And so she went through life, making friends, falling in love, finding passions; dreaming of blue skies above them, green grass under their feet and fresh air hitting their cheeks and filling their lungs. Content with the belief that her parents loved them more than anything in the universe.</p><p>Completely oblivious.</p><p>Right up until dad decided to prove her faith in him so unbelievably wrong.</p>
<hr/><p>Spencer shifted on the bed beneath them, tightening their arms around their legs, unblinking light brown eyes glued to the closed door of the cell they had reluctantly called home for a year and two weeks.</p><p>Being in the Skybox freaking <em>sucked</em>, to put it mildly. Everything came down to a routine, one somehow even stricter than the one Spencer had when they weren't in Lock Up.</p><p>It was just one menial task done after another - it was a bitter pill to swallow, being forced to work for people Spencer hated -, and the few lunch breaks they got was hell.</p><p>No one in here liked Marcus Kane, and the same apparently automatically went for his child. Some liked to agonize Spencer, or ignore them, they preferred the latter as the former usually got them into fights and put in solitary confinement for days as punishment.</p><p>She couldn't bring herself to blame any of the other kids, but the hatred still stung, kindness and friendship was a rare thing in this place. It was something they clung like precious cargo.</p><p>Spencer was lucky though, that they hadn't been put in permanent solitary confinement. <em>Like Clarke.</em> They wondered about their best friend sometimes, about what had really happened; about what Clarke and Jake Griffin had done to warrant immediate isolation and a floating.</p><p>Spencer could only wonder how Clarke was doing, after loosing someone who was so precious to her in such a horrible way, the blonde girl had always been so close to her dad. Truth be told she had always somewhat envied the relationship the Griffin's had. They used to at least admire their own father, some days they even wanted to be like him; but now, after everything, all they had was the urge to go out of their way to prove that they were nothing like him.</p><p>This sudden sense of rebellion was what had gotten them placed in the Skybox, like a child put in time out.</p><p>Spencer wiped away the tears of frustration, continuing the stare off with the sealed door. Waiting. Their fingers tapped out a steady beat, counting as time went by.</p><p>For the past couple of weeks their old earth skills teacher, Charles, had been visiting the Skybox to teach every kid not in isolation. It was a useless thing to teach a bunch of kids that would soon be reviewed and most no doubt floated - <em>what were they all, but a waste of resources to them?</em> - but it was the only thing that kept Spencer relatively sane outside of the limited reading time they received.</p><p>And so Spencer waited for the door to open, craving that little bit of human contact and illusion of freedom. They blinked when it finally opened, but instead of their regular guards, two unfamiliar ones entered.</p><p>Panic made a home down their throat and into their heart, making them instinctively hop off the bed, brown eyes warily tracking both guard's movements.</p><p>"Prisoner 317, face the wall." Spencer kept quiet and did as told, slow in their movements as they tried to think about what this was about; they hadn't done anything lately, this place was draining them too much to start any real trouble. Again.</p><p>"Hold out your right arm," the same guard spoke up again, his voice commanding respect where Spencer had only irritation for him.</p><p>Spencer looked out of the corner of their eye, watching as the other, quieter and less demanding guard took out an odd silver wristband. There was a moment of quietness that fell as Spencer hesitated to obey, her heavy breathing and the hum of the Ark the only sound in the cell.</p><p>Spencer's eighteenth birthday was only a week away, maybe they had moved up the review date? She wanted to cry at the thought, but bit down on the inside of her cheek in hopes that the pain would calm her down. It didn't.</p><p>"Don't make this harder than it needs to be, Spencer."</p><p>Spencer turned to the sound of their dad's voice, heedless to the sound of both guards barking at them to turn back around. They took him in, trying to look past the cold facade upon his face and find any sign of love or worry for them. They found none.</p><p>Spencer hadn't seen him since… since they'd been thrown in here; mom tried to visit as much as possible, but they knew the sight of them in here had made the visits less often than could be arranged.</p><p>Spencer knew they were a disappointment to their parents and if they were being honest, mom and dad were a disappointment to them too.</p><p>It didn't make the cold look aimed at them hurt any less.</p><p>"Am I - am I being reviewed early?" Spencer asked, quelling the urge to fight back as one guard grabbed their arm in a tight grip that would more than likely bruise. <em>It was always the quiet ones,</em> they thought, glaring down at the man.</p><p>"No," Marcus replied, hesitating so visibly and uncharacteristically that it sent another jolt of panic into her heart.</p><p>"You're being sent to the ground. Along with the other delinquents." That ludicrous statement was punctuated by the other guard clamping the wristband around her wrist.</p><p>Spencer wasn't sure if the shiver that went down their spine was from the cold pinprick of the wristband or the idea of going to earth. It was a dream come true, <em>the </em>dream not just for Spencer but for the whole Ark, but...</p><p>"So we get to slowly die from radiation poisoning instead of asphyxiating in space, that's ... great, dad," Spencer said, aiming for glib but her voice shook. "Did the rest of the council come up with that idea, or was it all you?"</p><p>Marcus ignored the vitriol in their response, approaching her until he stood within reaching distance. "I need you to listen very closely to what I'm about to say Spencer," he said, calm in the face of their anger and fear.</p><p>"I need you to survive, Spencer. <em>The Ark </em>needs you to survive."</p><p>Spencer was left beyond confused by his cryptic words, "What the hell does that mean?" But before he could answer, before they could find out if he was even going to answer, the door opened and the guards began dragging Spencer out their cell.</p><p>
  <em>I don't wanna die.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I don't wanna die.</em>
</p><p>"Please, <em>please </em>- don't do this dad! I - I don't wanna die!" Spencer turned her neck at an uncomfortable angle to plead with her father, panic and rage fueled her as she began to wildly fight the hold of the guards.</p><p>Spencer took a look around the now chaotic Skybox and saw so many other kids, just barely resisting the same fate, their own yells reached her ears; but it was futile - one by one they all were either restrained, or went down.</p><p>The silence from their father was deafening as the guards dragged them towards the door, it made them let out a hopeless sob even as they fought harder against their bruising grip.</p><p>
  <em>How could he do this to me? </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Why am I surprised?</em>
</p><p>Spencer got in a few good jabs with their elbows before they heard their dad order the guards, "Sedate them." There was a quiet <em>click</em>! accompanied by a quick yet painful pinch on her neck.</p><p>The sedative worked quickly, Spencer's body was suddenly tingling all over before soon becoming dead weight, the only reason her face hadn't met the floor was because of the grip the guards had on her arms.</p><p>She slowly blinked as her dad was suddenly in front of her; her vision blurry as she struggled to keep her eyes open. "- try to survive." She saw his mouth move, some of the words washing over her afterwards.</p><p>"Go float yours..elf," Spencer managed to move her heavy tongue, her words heavily slurred. The last thing she saw before sleep overtook her was the disapproval on her father's face.</p>
<hr/><p>Spencer woke up to intense shaking and the sound of too many people talking at once and all too loudly. She grimaced at the pounding in her head, absently touching her pounding head with one hand and rubbing groggy eyes with the other.</p><p>Spencer scratched at their wrist, the one with the cumbersome wristband locked around it; the sight made them feel uncomfortable, like a tagged animal from the stories grandma Vera used to tell her of earth.</p><p>"<em>Prisoners of The Ark, hear me now." </em>Chancellor Jaha's voice sounded throughout the Dropship, a giant screen flickering to life.</p><p>She ignored the person buckled in next to her to watch the man she had once viewed as family. <em>What a joke of a family they had been, </em>they thought, not only bitter but sad.</p><p>"<em>You've been given a second chance; and as your Chancellor, it is my hope that you see this as not just a chance for you, but a chance for all of us. Indeed for mankind itself."</em></p><p>Spencer scoffed at his bullshit words, trying to tune him out, closing their eyes; but no one could find much fault in Thelonious Jaha's charisma. Rightfully hate him or not. He had a voice one couldn't easily tune out.</p><p>"<em>We have no idea what is waiting for you down there. If the odds of survival were better, we would've sent others. Frankly, we're sending you because your crimes have made you expendable."</em></p><p>Spencer tried not to feel shaken to the core at his callous words, as it was hardly surprising news, but they were struggling not to get too emotional.</p><p>" - dad is a dick, Wells!" Someone shouted, his words making them open their eyes to wildly scan the faces of those nearby, but they couldn't find their best friend anywhere.</p><p>
  <em>Why the hell is Wells here?</em>
</p><p>They tried to look for their friend, but the Dropship's seatbelt prevented them from turning much and so they resigned themself to waiting.</p><p>Spencer sent their seatmate a kind, hopefully reassuring smile when she noticed how young the kid was; it was returned, no matter how nervously.</p><p>
  <em>Shit. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>This kid couldn't be older than ten.</em>
</p><p>She hadn't thought it possible but her hatred towards the council and everything it stood grew. "Hi, uh, what's your name?" Spencer asked lightly, to keep both of their minds off the fact they were hurtling towards the earth, the place they had all been taught was unsurvivable.</p><p>"Charlotte," the young girl replied, looking up at her with big frightened brown eyes.</p><p>" <em>- the drop site has been chosen carefully. Before the last war, Mount Weather was a military base built within a mountain. It was to be stocked with enough non-perishables to sustain three hundred people for up to two years." </em>Chancellor Jaha continued, but most of the delinquents had stopped paying attention after being deemed <em>expendable</em>.</p><p>"Charlotte. That's a pretty name. Mines Spencer," Spencer introduced themself, turning around as much as they could towards the girl, watching as the younger girl's eyes widened in eventual recognition.</p><p>Spencer tensed as she waited for the hatred to come - <em>but can I really blame anyone for hating the child of the man who tears apart families as much as the Chancellor himself?</em></p><p>Thankfully a commotion distracted them from continuing their conversation.</p><p>"<em>Do it, Finn!"</em></p><p>Spencer watched with disbelief on her face as someone nearby seemed to be unbuckling their seatbelt before they had even landed. <em>No one could that someone would be stupid, right?</em></p><p>The boy caught her glance, <em>winking</em> at her as he floated past them.</p><p><em>Apparently,</em> they thought with a roll of their eyes, their knee bouncing as worry made them restless.</p><p>"That was stupid," Charlotte muttered next to them.</p><p>"Yeah, really stupid," they agreed, smiling down at the kid. Spencer could see how hesitant Charlotte was to talk to them now that she knew who they were but eventually she returned the smile, albeit warily.</p><p>"<em>Mount Weather is life. You must locate those supplies immediately. Your one responsibility; stay alive."</em></p><p>The Chancellor's words reminded them of what dad had told them before the guards took them away.</p><p>"- <em>I need you to survive, Spencer. The Ark needs you to survive." </em></p><p>Everyone eventually started shouting, knocking her out of her thoughts.</p><p>The Dropship descent speed seemed to be increasing, the lights flickered in and out and for a moment they thought - <em>what if this old thing couldn't even make it to the ground? What if instead of dying from radiation they all died from the impact?</em></p><p>Spencer could feel a small hand slip into hers, it made her heart ache, she lightly squeezed Charlotte's hand in response.</p><p>
  <em>I wish I could say being in the Sky Box prepared me to make peace with my death, but that would be a lie.</em>
</p><p>Spencer flinched at the loud <em>BOOM! </em>noise that echoed throughout the ship, her stomach dropping as the ship landed roughly. They nervously bit their bottom lip, shoulders tense as she warily looked around, making eye contact with several others.</p><p><em>What now,</em> all of them seemed to think.</p><p>They had landed on <em>earth</em>.</p><p>Spencer felt dizzy from the realization at how close they all were to their people's dream - <em>her </em>dream, of seeing the earth - and the headache inducing sound of everyone talking mixed with the sound of seat belts quickly unbuckling.</p><p>Charlotte hurriedly let go of her hand to unbuckle her seat belt.</p><p>Spencer did the same at a slower pace, using the seat to push herself up on shaky legs. Charlotte bumped into her several times as they were pushed around by other delinquents rushing out of their seats.</p><p>Spencer flinched at the sight of the two boys who had apparently joined Finn in taking off their seat belts; their bodies were laid out on the floor, necks twisted unnaturally. No doubt dead.</p><p><em>Two dead already and we haven't even gone outside yet, </em>they thought, feeling sick to their stomach.</p><p>Spencer absently squeezed Charlotte's hand when she reached for theirs again; the little girl was faring no better than them at the sight of the dead teenagers.</p><p>"The outer door is on the lower level, let's go!" one delinquent shouted.</p><p>Spencer briefly felt tempted to stay in the Dropship, to hide away from it all; but she wanted to see the earth more, consequences be damned, the thought of seeing trees pushed their feet foward.</p><p>"No, we can't just open the doors!" Spencer heard a familiar voice protest, but was quickly pushed forward by someone behind them before they could see anything other than a flash of blonde hair.</p><p>Spencer swiftly half-slid and half-climbed down the ladder, keeping a careful eye on Charlotte as she eventually did the same. This time it was Spencer who reached for Charlotte's hand, and was glad when the young girl didn't fight the gentle hold, as their heart began beating fast. They all hovered uncertainly around the closed door.</p><p>"Hey, just back it up, guys!" someone shouted. Spencer caught a glimpse of him over the heads of the other teenagers, his hand was already on the lever that would open the Dropship door.</p><p>They couldn't help but be confused by his appearance; he was wearing a guard uniform, but Spencer couldn't believe the Council would be stupid enough to send one of their precious guards down with a bunch of angry teenagers who'd all jump at the chance for revenge.</p><p>And he looked so young, he would have had to go through the guard training around the same time Spencer had. He should be familiar. He wasn't.</p><p>"Stop!" A blonde girl hurried down the ladder, pushing her way through the crowd to stand in front of their apparent guard.</p><p>"The air could be toxic," she warned, the sight of her making Spencer's heart clench.</p><p>
  <em>Clarke</em>
</p><p>Spencer had automatically drifted closer to the blonde, but Charlotte's grip on her hand kept her from getting any closer. She reluctantly stayed, but didn't take her eyes off Clarke as she argued with the guard. "If the air is toxic, we're all dead anyway," the guard said, raising a good point.</p><p>"Bellamy?" Another girl spoke up before Clarke could say anything else; pushing her way through the crowd to stand in front of the boy whose name was apparently Bellamy.</p><p>"My god, look how big you are," Bellamy said, looking at the girl in front of him in a way that seemed almost parental.</p><p><em>Weird</em>, they thought.</p><p>Everyone was quiet as they all watched them reunite, all of them curious.</p><p>"What the hell are you wearing - a guard's uniform?" The brunette asked, all but confirming Spencer suspicions.</p><p>"I borrowed it to get on the drop ship, someone has got to keep an eye on you," he replied, chuckling when she hugged him again.</p><p>Spencer could hardly judge one for stealing, but they highly doubted that jacket was simply <em>borrowed</em>.</p><p>"Where's your wristband?" Clarke questioned, beginning to notice what Spencer had noticed.</p><p>"Do you mind? I haven't seen my brother in a year," the brunette said, her words shocking everyone.</p><p>"No one has a brother!"</p><p>"That's Octavia Blake, the girl they found hidden in the floor!"</p><p>Octavia looked angrily at the girl who had previously yelled, looking seconds away from starting a fight with each and every one of them as she all but lunged at the crowd.</p><p>Spencer tensed, ready to shield little Charlotte in case things got ugly, but her.. brother - <em>that word was so weird to even think about, it was all but alien to me </em>- stopped her.</p><p>"Octavia, no," he said, repeating her name firmly until she looked away from the crowd and towards him. "Let's give them something else to remember you by."</p><p>"Yeah? Like what?" Octavia questioned, irritation still visible on her face as she shrugged out of her brother's hold.</p><p>"Like being the first person on the ground in a hundred years," he replied, a small smile on his face as his hand grabbed back onto the lever.</p><p>Spencer could practically taste the anticipation in the air as the stowaway boy slowly pulled the lever down, the Dropship door opening almost instantly.</p><p>Spencer blinked as a rush of fresh air hit them all, and -</p><p>And they were breathless by the sight in front of them.</p><p>The Blake girl, Octavia, tentatively walked forward; her brother's heated glare keeping everyone from daring to interrupt his sister's moment.</p><p>Spencer couldn't keep their eyes off of anything; the sun was so <em>bright</em> it nearly blinded them and everything else was so green, and beautiful.</p><p>"<em>We're back, bitches!" </em>Octavia loudly greeted the earth, her hands up high above her head.</p><p>Charlotte and Spencer shared an excited smile as everyone cheered loudly, excitedly running out of the Dropship.</p><p>Spencer tried to keep a grip on Charlotte's hand but eventually they were separated by the crowd of enthusiastic teenagers. One second Spencer was in the Dropship and in the next - her brown eyes were blinking up at a bright blue <em>sky, with clouds. </em></p><p>They tripped on a broken tree branch felled by the Dropship as they became distracted by <em>everything, </em>their knees hitting green <em>grass</em>.</p><p>"Oh my god, we actually made it," Spencer breathed out. She began chuckling breathlessly as she dug her hands into the <em>earth</em> before collapsing backwards onto the dirt and grass to stare at the sky in amazement.</p><p>
  <em>Grandma Vera would love this...</em>
</p><p>Spencer wasn't sure how long they stayed like that, basking in the warm feeling of the sun on their cheeks but eventually the sun was blocked from view.</p><p>Wells stood in front of her, smiling down at them fondly and offering a helping hand. They reluctantly let go of the dirt and grass still in their grip, quickly latching onto their friend's hand.</p><p>Spencer hugged him the moment she was on her feet, grip tight as they realized how long it's been since she's had one.</p><p>"It's amazing, isn't it?" Wells said, gifting her with one his beautiful smiles.</p><p>"It is." Spencer returned the smile with one of their own as they both breathed in and out deeply in a way they hadn't dared to do on the Ark.</p><p>"So... what exactly did <em>you</em> do to get bunched with the rest of us hardened delinquents?" Spencer playfully questioned.</p><p>Wells shrugged, his eyes on the grass beneath them as they wandered around in nowhere particular.</p><p>"I.. damaged the last tree on the Ark," he confessed.</p><p>Spencer halted to stare at him in shock, their mouth wide open as she struggled to form words. "...What? Wells? <em>Why</em>?"</p><p>Wells finally met her brown eyes with his, and all Spencer could see in them was hesitance as he struggled with something.</p><p>"A lot happened after you got arrested, Spencer," he finally settled on.</p><p>"So explain it to me, please," she added pleadingly when he still looked hesitant.</p><p>Wells gave in to her pleading look, sitting down on a tree that had fallen from the Dropship's crash. Spencer joined him and could only listen, mouth agape.</p>
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